Same shit different week...

Where to begin...hmmm...ok. Last Friday afternoon, the kids, Andrew and I are all play wrestling. Baker tries to knee Andrew in the nuts. Andrew tells him not to. Baker does it again. Andrew says please don't do that again. Baker tries again. I tell him not to and that if he is going to play that way, he will be sent to his room. Baker picks up a shoe and jabs it at Andrew's crotch. Andrew pins him to the floor. Baker hurts his shoulder. The kids dad shows up to take them all to dinner. Baker is crying. The dad and Andrew have a conversation..they shake hands....all seems well. They all go out to the car. The dad comes back and yells at me that Baker is really hurt and that he isn't going to ruin his evening and that I need to take him to the doctor.

Meanwhile, Baker is furious with Andrew. So, I take Baker to emergency...he is moving his injured arm the whole time. I feel like an idiot because I know the child is not hurt. While I am there the dad phones and tells me that I better not let my boyfriend abuse his kids anymore. The doc sees Baker...nothing is wrong with him...ummmm duh. We go home. The dad picks up Baker and takes him to his place for the night.

Since then, the emails have been flying back and forth. My child support was reduced in the spring from $1,225 to $1,000 because the dad figured that was what I should get since I now have a live in boyfriend (ummm dimwit...my live in boyfriend has no effect on how much you pay)....now since the incident on Friday....he has told me he will be paying $450/month for the other 2 kids and that I won't be getting Baker back. This is supposed to cover their child support and his share of the daycare. My daycare bill for the summer will be around $1,800. Legally, he can't do any of this stuff however, short of having the cops show up to bring Baker back to my place, there isn't much I can do. Plus, I told Baker he could do a test trial of living at his dad's place....hoping that once he saw that the grass wasn't greener, he would want to come home.

So, today I am going to register our existing separation agreement in court and will sic the family maintenance enforcement people on him.

Ya..fun stuff. Meanwhile, he has gotten the child a cell phone and has promised a puppy. Nothing like trying to buy your kid. When I looked at the cell phone...my home number is in there as "home", my cell number is in there as "mom", and his dad's cell number is in there as "Craig". What is wrong with that picture???

When Baker came to get some of his stuff on Sunday night...he didn't even say good bye. No hug...nothing. He says he said good bye but that I must not have heard him. Still...it hurts. I spent Sunday night bawling my eyes out.

I drove for Baker's field trip yesterday...got the kids donuts for the ride out there....sodas and chips for the ride back. Took the whole day off work to do it....the 4 kids in my car all said thanks....my own child did not.

I am not sure where everything went wrong with Baker. It occurs to me that he dumped his dad last year when his dad had a live in girlfriend. Now I have been dumped because I have a live in boyfriend? He doesn't want a second authority figure in the house??

I just don't get it. I have done everything I can to give my children a happy home. I have tried to raise them to be caring individuals etc. Yet there is a huge lack of respect.

Since Baker has left, I have to admit, there is peace in my house. There is no bickering, no name calling, no hitting etc, it has truly been peaceful. There is a part of me that thinks maybe him moving out is for the best. But then there is the part of me that says that he needs to have a relationship with his siblings...and that allowing him to divorce his siblings is just wrong.

Andrew figures that once school is out...and Baker is home alone all day....that he will get bored and want to come home. I thought he was right at first...but now...I am not so sure. Cell phone, puppy, house to himself, doesn't have to share. I dunno, time will tell.

How am I holding up? I waffle back and forth. I miss my child but it isn't that bad because I have the other 2 that keep me busy. Plus Baker was pretty much a loner around here....only interacting to stir up stuff....and I have to say, I truly don't miss the bickering. I feel hurt because he walked away without even giving me a hug, I feel used for the field trip yesterday, I feel unappreciated, discarded. I feel like the only time I am going to hear from him is when he wants something from me.

Andrew thinks I need to take a hard stance on this stuff. Like yesterday, Baker forgot his lunch and I gave him money to buy one. I should have told him to call his dad. I just don't have it in me to not care for my children.

Andrew says that if I take the other 2 kids for fun outtings this summer that I shouldn't bother to invite Baker. That Baker has chosen not to be a part of our family and shouldn't get to show up just for the fun stuff. He needs to be here for the good, the bad and the ugly. I know he is probably right....but it's just hard for me to take the kids to the water slides when I know Baker is sitting at his dad's place all alone.

This is all new yet...so I guess I will just have to wait and see how it all unfolds. Last day of school for the kids tomorrow.