Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Friday - I quit my job. The guy I was working for was a total putz. He told me I would get paid a certain amount as a base salary then commission on top. I never saw the base and went above and beyond my job description to help him out. I called him out on the whole thing and when he replied he didn't even try to defend what he had done. I feel such a sense of relief over not working for the guy so I know it was the right decision. I am going to hang with my kids for the next week or so then start looking for a new job. I am not really sure what I want to do. I could go back to doing accounting or I may look in a totally new direction. Gives me stuff to think about :) No workout on Friday...wasn't a workout day for me.
Saturday - This weekend was a kid-free weekend for me. In the morning Andrew and I lazed in bed for a while then went to get his shifter on his bike fixed. The man cycles to work a few days a week (about 20 miles each way). My man has NICE legs :) :) :) While the bike was getting fixed we went to Starbucks for hot chocolate. (hot chocolate is on my BFL :P lol) We then drove out to Vancouver and went to this store called Mountain Equipment Coop. They have everything to do with outdoor activities....cycling, hiking, camping, climbing, running, kayaking etc. You get the idea. Anyway, I was on a mission to find some cycling shorts. Ya....the ones with the shammy in the butt area as my tushy has NOT been happy on the rides we have been on. After viewing myself in spandex HELL (omg spandex shows EVERYTHING...disco women must have been very fit). I settled on a cycling SKORT. Seriously, they have them lol. It's cycling shorts...complete with padded butt...with a wrap skirt attached. Yes, I know this sounds very girly/granny like...but my god...when I saw myself in those bike shorts I knew there was no way in hell I was going to be seen in public in them.
Afterwards we wandered through China Town, went to a Zen Garden, then we were off to a BBQ at a friend's place. She is an amazing cook....prime rib on the barbie, beet couscous, gnoche with pesto sauce, red potato salad...just a few of the things to choose from. We had a really good time. This is the first time I had really socialized with his friends and I felt like I fit in fairly well. I was a bit nervous about the whole thing because I knew that they would be comparing me to his ex-wife and well, I just wanted to make a good impression.
Sunday - We went for a 15 mile bike ride (my new shorts were a HUGE help in the tushy department). I am able to keep up with him on the flat grounds but eat his dust when we take off from stoplights and I DIED on the hills. I DIED....did I mention that I DIED on the hills??? Geez. Granted, where I live the hills are tough. I felt bad that I held him back but he says it was just a ride for fun and that I shouldn't worry about it. It has made me want to train more on my bike so that I can keep up a bit more. Plus, I think he kind of liked the fact that I was sucking the hind tit so much ....male pride being as it is :) However, just one I want to breeze by him going up a hill and wait for him at the top. We all have dreams :) I did feel pretty good at one point when we were going up this particularly long steep hill and I was tempted to get off and walk my bike but then rode past this other guy that was climbing the hill. Was WAY behind Andrew but was far ahead of the other guy :)
Monday - My boys are still at their dad's so Tay and I had a girls day out. We picked up one of her friends and went shopping at this huge mall called MetroTown. I didn't buy anything for myself...waiting to see if my body changes for the better :) I bought Tay this cute little jean mini skirt. This is the first time she has asked for anything even remotely girl-like in so very long that I would have bought her the whole store if she wanted it lol.
That's about it for my weekend. Tay has been invited to go camping with a friend...she leaves tomorrow and will be back on Friday. Right now they are out shopping for the food for the trip. Does this strike any of you as odd....they are showing her what food that they are getting so that I can take her out later to buy her own food for the trip. I could see if it were a 2 week long trip but seems kinda weird to have her bring her own groceries for a 2 day trip. Especially since they once told their daughter after a shopping trip I took her on...that I was cheap to have not bought her stuff while we were shopping (I bought her lunch and a treat at the candy shop). They let her go shopping with NO MONEY at all and figured I would just buy her stuff. Yet they won't spring for groceries on a 2 day camping trip. Gotta laugh at people sometimes :) Opinions please....this one has me baffled :)
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Belly Button 1/2"
Right Thigh 1/4" however left thigh is 1/2" larger lol
Body fat down to 29% from 29.4%
I am not getting too excited by these results as last week when I measured I was super-bloated due to it being right before TTOM. Still, I will take what I can get lol.
My cardio is done for today...ran intervals on the tready. Now I just need to eat clean :)
Now onto the sappy part....
Last night Andrew and I were laying in bed. It is my favourite time of day. The kids are all down and him and I lay there and just snuggle and talk. Last night he looks at me and he says, "I love you just the way you are."
Now for some of you this may not be a big deal but for me it was HUGE. I got all teary then started crying because it is the first time that I have ever felt loved unconditionally.
With Florida man I always felt like I wasn't enough...and in the end, I wasn't. He needed more than I was able to give. I felt like I was under a microscope, constantly criticized, and never measuring up. With my ex-husband it was the same thing. I would get all dressed up to go out and he would say something like....you look nice but I think it would look better if you accessorized more. The house was never clean enough, the children never well-behaved enough etc.
With Andrew, for the first time in my life, I feel loved just the way I am (fat or thin, sloppy or neat, dressed up or slobbed out, sick or well, happy or sad)....you get the idea. He just loves me :)
When I went onto Lava Life looking for a match...I had written this for what I wanted in a relationship...
"I want to find a relationship where words aren't always necessary...where a look or a smile can make the other person feel loved and special. I want the kind of love where the other person's quirky habits are endearing, not annoying....where you love them all the more because they are a freak :)"
Andrew and I have that lol. I knew he was something special on one of our first dates. We went to the home show. They had all these flower beds around the displays with this immaculate, untouched soil. We were walking along and I glanced at the soil then had this uncontrollable urge to put my foot in the soil to leave a mark. He grabbed me around the waist...pulled me to one side, and said. "don't even think about it". How he knew that that was what I was thinking at that moment is beyond me. This kind of stuff happens all the time.
He treats me with so much care and respect. Quite often in the middle of the night when we are sleeping I will feel him pull the covers over my shoulder if they have fallen off. Or we will just be sitting there talking and he will say, "You are so beautiful". When I am in pain from yoga or running....he will rub away the knots. We just get along so very well. It's been almost 6 months and we still have not had any sort of argument. Don't get me wrong...we disagree on things all the time...but it never gets angry. We usually end up laughing instead.
Anyway, sorry this is such a sappy post...but it truly hit me last night that I am so very lucky to have found this man. He makes me happier than I thought I could ever be :)
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Yesterday I walked inclines on the treadmill...went at 3 to 4.5 mph and 9 to 12% incline. It's weird, I burn more calories according to the machine doing this type of workout than I do running...yet I find the inclines easier than the running....go figure lol. Last night I went for a bike ride...was almost able to keep up with Andrew but had to hold back because we had the kids with us. Keaton, my 7 yr old, is a fireball. The kid just does not get tuckered out. My daughter on the other hand was sucking the hind tit and was rather discouraged. I told her she just needs to condition her body (and choose undies that don't crawl up her butt lol), and she will get there.
Eating has been hit and miss. I am struggling with resisting sugary sweets. They are all gone now...so hopefully that will put an end to that problem. We went shopping at Costco on Monday night and I have filled the cupboards with good, clean choices...JUNK BE GONE!!
Weighed in this morning and I have gained weight. Yea...bit discouraging but I am not giving up. If anything, it has made me want to clean up my eating just so I can see a drop in the blasted number.
Keaton was complaining about a sore tooth yesterday...he was in tears...so we went to the dentist at 7am this morning to get it looked at. He has decay under one of his fillings...it has reached the nerve, so now they are going to either open the tooth up and put sterile packing inside and cap it...or if there is too much nerve damage, they will pull the tooth out and put a spacer in since this is a tooth that isn't due to fall out for another 4 years. Either way, it's going to be costly grrrrr. Place your bets....I am guessing about $500.
That's it for now...keepin' it real xoxo
Monday, July 23, 2007
Pamela ~ Go ahead and copy and paste lol. Geez, and no I haven't forgotten to call you.
Stef ~ "frumpy, flabby and fat at 40" *shudders*. That phrase alone will have me hitting the tready.
Evelyne ~ I think we are in each others heads :) A lot of what you write about is exactly what floats through my head. I am easing into BFL slowly but consider me "in".
Now...onto what I have been up to.
Thursday ~ I got my run done. I will use the word run loosely since there seemed to be more walking and jiggling going on than running. BUT I got it done :) Eating was pretty good...maybe not enough...but I stayed on track.
Friday ~ As per Eileen's suggestion, I am easing into BFL slowly so I had no workout scheduled for today. Eating was on track....I even resisted take out Chinese food and had a salad with chicken on top instead :)
Saturday ~ Went for a bike ride. Eating was off as I wasn't feeling that well. Not eating bad stuff per se...just not eating as much as I should.
Sunday ~ no workout....eating off again....still not feeling well.
Water has been good on all accounts.
Friday night Andrew and I took the kids swimming. We didn't go in the pool but sat on the deck and watched. Next to the observation deck is a wall of windows where you can see the people in the gym working out. I have to say...it got me fired up a bit to see all those hard bods working out....yes...it was mostly men in there so I had plenty to admire :)
There was this one guy with the most gorgeous arms....he was wearing sweat pants so I was really hoping that he wasn't one of those guys that works his upper body but does squat with his lower and ends up top heavy with chicken legs. He really seemed to know what he was doing. Then there was the other end of the spectrum....the guy lifting way more than he should be and using horrible form. I felt like going in there and smacking him upside the head lol. The funniest was this guy who was holding these 5lb weights and doing side bends. Absolutely no form, and doing them SUPERFAST. Not sure what he was trying to do and I was truly thankful that I was on the other side of the glass and not in there trying to lift through my laughter :)
It has been so long since I have worked out at a gym that it truly was very entertaining to sit back and watch them. And yes, it did make me want to get in there and lift...which really surprised me since I hate lifting.
Anyway, that's it for now...off to do my workout.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
After our hike on Sunday, Andrew and I decided that it felt so good to be up and moving again that we would try to make a point of doing something physical each night (and I don't mean bedroom cardio :P)
So, Monday we went for a bike ride. It got cut short as my daughter was being miserable so we turned back. Still....I give us points for at least getting out to try :)
Tuesday was skipped. This was my fault. I can't play video games. I can't watch other people play video games. The reason for this? I get motion sickness. Yup...motion sickness from a game. Anyway, suffice it to say by the time the kids, Andrew and I finished playing...I was in the loo puking. Yea...good times lol.
Last night we went 10 pin bowling. We played a couple games...Andrew won the first...I won the second :) Not what I would consider a workout but at least we were out moving.
The time has come for me to bite the bullet and get back on track. Due to the bowling last night, I set aside my loose summer sundress attire for a pair of jeans. They were snug...just a wee bit uncomfy. Granted it is right before TOM...but still...I am not carrying 10lbs of bloat. The other day I was asking about people's motivation...well, I think mine could be not wanting to have to purchase a whole new wardrobe in a larger size!
So, now I ponder whether to bite the bullet fully and do serious BFL or to take smaller bites and just try to improve my eating/work out habits without doing the full out BFL thing. The jury is still out on this.
I was reading Stef's blog this morning and in it she has this counter thing that counts down to her 40th birthday. It dawned on me that my 40th is coming too....in about 6 1/2 months. Wouldn't it be wonderful to be fit and fabulous at forty? What a wonderful gift to myself!
Hmmm my mind is spinning here...maybe I should take the next couple weeks to ease into it slowly...then on August 6 (6 months before my 40th) see if my mojo has come back enough for me to try hitting it hard.
I'm so disgusted with myself for having said in the past that I am going to do this...and then letting things derail me. For once, I just want to follow through and do what I say I am going to do. It is fear of failing yet again that makes me want to do it in small measures. Hard to fail when you set no concrete goals. I call it the loosey-goosey approach to BFL. You have no idea how annoyed I am with myself that I just can't seem to commit to this thing. Especially since when you think about it...it really is very simple....6 meals a day....6 workouts a week. So very simple yet when I think about actually doing it....it seems too hard. I know I can do it...I lived BFL for over a year. Maybe I just don't want to give up my poor eating habits and lazy behaviour. For the life of me I can't figure out why. I felt so much better when I was on BFL...I had tons of energy...felt on top of the world, sexy, ALIVE!
OK...enough whining...just for today I am going to hit the treadmill and eat BFL.
It's a starting point. We all have to start somewhere.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
I love this next pic. One of the rare moments when the children were actually getting along. Don't worry....shortly after this was taken...they were back to bickering lol. I wanted to get a pic of both boys kissing their sister on the cheek but she was having nothing to do with that idea! So this spontaneous pic is a close as we got.
Andrew and I. No, I am not pregnant lol. I swear, if I had seen myself in pictures in that dress before I bought it, it would have stayed on the rack! The empire waist (I think that's what it's called) was great for staying cool, eating and generally being comfy...but I look pregnant in all the pics lol. I know I am not at my most svelte right now but honestly, I didn't think I looked that bad...the camera adds 30 lbs right?
The kids and I...notice strategic kid placement to cover me lol.
As for other news...hmmm...the kids went to their dad's Saturday morning so Andrew and I had the rest of the weekend to ourselves. We both had errands to run on Saturday, had a quiet evening in on Saturday night (Chinese food and a movie at home). Sunday we went out to IKEA to wander around...bought a few minor kitchen items...then went to the North Shore Mountains to go for a walk. We picked what the park had labeled as an "easy hiking trail suitable for the elderly, children etc...with one steep part". Ummm, they LIED lol. The steep part lasted half the hike lol. It was riddled with tree roots, rocks, boulders, etc. Maybe a really fit older person could do it but it definitely was not a stroll on the beach. It showed me how truly out of shape both Andrew and I are. We died in the beginning....but once we got past the initial "OMG I think my heart is going to pound out of my chest phase"...it felt really good to be out and moving about. My butt was feeling it yesterday :)
One thing that I have discovered about myself is that I eat when I am happy. The times when I have been thinnest in my life have all been when I was unhappy. I think for me, it's the whole I am happy so let's celebrate by eating and drinking and making merry lol. I need to get a handle on this...SOON lol. My last attempt before the wedding never got off the ground...too much stress over the whole son/ex thing. Now I have no excuse. Truly I don't. I have everything I need to be in phenomenal shape...the equipment, the knowledge...what I am lacking is the will power, the drive, the motivation. I am just too darn content right now lol. It's all Andrew's fault...he keeps me too happy :) When I think about biting the bullet and hopping back onto BFL with all the workouts and structured eating, I just can't seem to find the drive to do it all.
What motivates you?
Saturday, July 14, 2007
With the magic of a few hours and some time in a barber chair...I think he cleaned up pretty well. And yes...that is the same child lol. The pic was taken on the way to the wedding...not sure why he has such a shit-eating grin on his face...but it truly captures his essence lol.
This next pic is of my oldest son Baker (he is 11 yrs old)...the one that is staying with his dad for the summer. His father rented him a suit for the wedding so he was feeling pretty spiffy. Albeit a bit over-dressed considering he was not in the wedding party lol. As we all know...there is no telling my ex anything grrrrr. Granted he did look great but was wayyyyy too hot so consequently by the end of the evening most of the suit was gone and he was nagging to be taken home to change into something cooler.
This next one is of my daughter Taylor (she is 10 years old). Andrew and I were out getting Keaton's hair cut while she got ready and were completely blown away to see her come out the front door all dressed up. She tends to be a bit of a tom boy...leaning towards surf shorts and T-shirts.
Andrew just came home...so I will post more later :)
Friday, July 13, 2007
Today is my niece's wedding so the spit-polishing of the children will be starting soon :)
I will post more after the wedding.
Hugs all around....